First Date a Bust, Second Date a MUST!


Right? I mean think about it, a blind date is an excuse to get dolled up, sharpen your flirting skills, enjoy a free meal and maybe, just maybe have a love connection.  As the pic mentions, it makes no sense “to decline a blind date”, which is exactly why I didn’t two weeks ago.  Ok, it wasn’t a blind date, it was more of a “hook up”, but that blind date sounded mad juicy, don’t front!

I shared all of the intricacies of said date with my friend T via “textversation”** and one of the statements that resonated with me was  “Its always amazing to me when two people go on a date and both leave feeling the exact opposite about it.”  Its true, most first dates typically end with one person liking the person more than the other as opposed to both parties sharing a mutual interest.

Things have changed for me.  In my twenties I was big on “sparks”.  If I didn’t feel “it” after my first date with a guy I had absolutely zero interest in going out on a second date.  However, now that I am making myself at home in “30 something-ville”, I’ve come to learn that sparks may not always be felt right away.

Why am I bringing this up?  It’s simple,  the gentleman that I went out with wasn’t exactly someone I’d look at twice if I passed him on the street.

My former colleagues “Tim” and “Ronnie” thought that I’d hit it off with “Kyle”, a close friend of  Tim.  I was told that Kyle was an accomplished man in his early 40’s; well traveled,  adventurous, successful (thriving corporate job), a homeowner with zero drama, a carefree attitude, and a teenage son. That set up sounded hella sweet so I did what anyone would do, asked to see a few pictures of Kyle.

I was shown about three different photos of Kyle.    He looked younger than his age (I’d say late 30’s), he had an inviting smile, and appeared to have a pleasant disposition.   I wasn’t sure of his height but I had to guess he was anywhere between 5’9″ or 5’11”. One of photos included him in a tropical environment clad in a sleeveless shirt and shorts.  I hated his arms.  They were reminiscent of a middle aged woman with two kids  – flabby.  I was turned off and told Ronnie that it would never work.

Instead of understanding I received a reality check from my girl encouraging me to stop being overly critical.  She helped me realize that it was ridiculous to scrutinize such a miniscule thing and that I needed to be more open-minded.  I agreed, after all being overly critical hadn’t exactly gotten me anywhere lately.

I gave Tim the “ok” and told him that he could officially pass my information on to his buddy.  Tim opted to give Kyle my Facebook information as opposed to my phone number so that he could view a few of my photos and to start correspondence there.

Kyle started correspondence on a Friday evening, rather late might I add – after 11 pm to be exact.  I remember the time because I was already in bed about to crash.   We exchanged pleasantries and the usual formalities “where do you live?”, “how do you know Tim?”, etc.  Due to the lateness of the hour we didn’t “chat” too long.  I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier so I sent him a courtesy message letting him know that we should continue this convo the next day.  I silenced my phone, turned off the lamp atop my black lattice nightstand and dozed off.  I awoke to two messages from Kyle  “So tomorrow….  maybe  I might get to hear your voice.”  I obliged and sent him my cell phone number, enough Facebook “chatting” it was time to speak.

After a little phone tag; I missed his initial phone call, and him mine, we finally connected Saturday evening.  I found his voice to be extremely soft and effeminate – he sounded like a BITCH and I wasn’t happy at all.  “Great, this dude has the arms and voice of a female, I can hardly contain my excitement”… said no one ever.   What was I to do?  Make up an excuse and rush him off the phone? Tell him that I thought he should go do some biceps curls and call me back in a few weeks?  I didn’t do either  (despite being tempted to) because I truly wanted to turn over a new leaf and be more open-minded.  I ignored my reservations and focused on the positive things.  While his voice didn’t exactly possess the bass that I appreciate in a man, I did notice a sweet and sincere quality so I proceeded with the conversation.

We learned that we had quite a bit in common; we shared sarcasm,  quick wit, a love for travel, adventure, and a healthy sense of humor.  Maybe Ronnie was right, she was onto something with this open-minded thing.   We engaged in a few more conversations during the week and he asked me out.  Our first date was set for that Saturday – dinner and cocktails were on the menu.

Since he wasn’t too familiar with Brooklyn (he lives outside of NY) I took the liberty of planning our first date.  I know, I know, I should’ve let him plan it anyway (because he’s the man), but I figured it would be easier if I took control over the night’s events since I live here.

My well thought out date included dinner at Kaz au Nou (, a BYOB (bring your own bottle) restaurant in the Boerum Hill section of Brooklyn with delicious French-Caribbean cuisine and a candlelit intimate setting  I figured this restaurant would be perfect for a first date because I’d dined there before with a friend.   Next up, I thought we’d keep the evening going at a different location while engaging in conversation over libations at my favorite local spots, Rustik (click here for a previous post on Rustik –>, then end the night.

I decided to keep my attire casual-sexy for our first date.  I paired my midnight blue skinny jeans with a 3/4 cotton/polyester blend olive green & cream blouse.  On my feet, 3″ knee high mahogany leather boots.  My accessories included an antique gold three-tiered bib necklace, thin gold hoops, my gold watch, thin gold rings, and a brass and aquamarine bangle (scored it from the BAM festival two summers ago).  Makeup was subtle; bronze shadow with black eyeliner, black mascara, soft pink blush with gold undertones, sheer lip gloss, and gold bronzer.  I grabbed my cognac leather weaved oversized envelope clutch, threw on my burgundy wool with gray & brown faux fur collar, and grabbed my keys.  Quick glimpse of the mirror and I was off to make my way outside to meet Kyle for the first time.

To opened the door and saw his black SUV parked directly outside of my brownstone.  My long Senegalese twists –> for pics and I made it down my steps and into the arms of Kyle.  We shared a quick hug and pulled away simultaneously.  He was able to get a look at me, and I him.  His size threw me off. I’m not exactly used to dating body builders, but I can appreciate a man with a solid physique – Kyle was more of a slim jim and stood at about 5’10”.

He paid me a compliment and I did the same, noting that he was dressed nice (in my quick 5 second observation I noticed dark denim jeans, a black suede blazer, black shoes, and a black scarf around his neck – which effortlessly tied his ensemble together).

Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned.  Due to traffic and Kyle’s late arrival we missed Kaz au Nou (the kitchen closes at 10:30pm).  No sweat, onto plan B, appetizers & drinks at Rustik.

Little did I know that plan B would soon be a bust too.  We chose THE worst night to go to a lounge/bar; the NCAA semi finals were on and Rustik was extremely loud with filled with rowdy fans.  I wanted to go somewhere that was mellow, intimate, and local, so we left and went to Black Swan.

Black Swan a Michelin recommended restaurant in the Clinton Hill section of BK, open 7 days a week and have a great menu for brunch, dinner, and late night.  FYI, I highly recommend the crab cakes appetizer and the Abita Brewing Purple Haze beer (a very fruity & light flavored beer).

As expected, the bar was packed with sexy chocolate brothas out the wazoo looking at the NCAA semifinals game.  Trust me I was tempted to flirt left and right, but I didn’t indulge out of respect for Kyle.  Sidebar: Single ladies, do yourself a favor and go to Black Swan and Rustik for major sporting event viewings.  I guarantee you won’t be disappointed with the selection of men.  I digress.

Unlike Rustik, Black Swan had a larger seating area away from the bar, so we were in luck.  We were seated in no time at all and were able to enjoy the last few minutes of the game (as there were a few flat screens in plain sight for diners to enjoy).

We ordered our drinks (he had the Baba Black Lager – very dark beer, reminiscent of Guiness stout and I had the Abita Brewing Purple Haze) appetizers (I had the Canvey Island crab cakes) and entrees (I had the grilled salmon special of the night and he had the shrimp & grits with sausage special) and enjoyed conversation that flowed effortlessly.  I felt comfortable; we talked about our respective interests, quirks, past relationships, and travel.  Before I knew it the game was over and the restaurant cleared out.  I didn’t want to end the evening so I suggested one last stop – a local wine bar near my home, Therapy Wine Bar. 

Therapy Wine Bar is a mellow bar located in the Bedford Stuyvesant section of Brooklyn.  I love to frequent this establishment because it’s extremely intimate with dim lighting, good music, pleasant staff, decent food, great drinks, and a spacious courtyard.  Unfortunately, Kyle I weren’t able to patronize this establishment because the bartender had already called last call.  I thought that was odd, it was only 2:00 am – aren’t most “last calls” done at 4:00 am?  Oh well.  I was out of plans so I proposed we go back to his car so he could escort me to my home.

Upon arrival I didn’t get out right away, we conversed for about twenty minutes or so.  It was apparent that Kyle was way more into me than I him – the “spark” just wasn’t there for me.  I told him that we could go out again the following Friday for dinner, but had no plans of keeping that date.  I had no interest in seeing him in a romantic way ever again, but he didn’t know that.

I appreciated his chivalry throughout the night and he disappoint at the end of our date.  He opened my door and escorted me to the bottom of my stoop.   I gave him a kiss on the cheek and a hug that lasted about 3 seconds longer than I would’ve liked (apparently he didn’t want to let go).  When we separated he looked at me like he wanted to eat me and I was immensely grossed out.  His weirdo eyes again scared me, but I tried my best not to show my fear.  I walked up my stoop, opened the front door and turned to wave goodbye.  To my surprise he was still looking at me with that peculiar spaced out look.

As expected Kyle reached out to me mid-week to solidify our tentative Friday night plans. I made up something and became very distant.  I was done.  Once again, another bust – or was it?

To my surprise something very unexpected happened the weekend we were slated to go on our second date.  I wound up watching “Titanic” and “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” back to back on USA (a cable network).  I noticed that the women/main characters of each film wound up falling for men that weren’t their type and experienced love beyond their wildest dreams.  I thought it was a sign.  Maybe I should go out with Kyle one more time.

Before calling Kyle I had a discussion with my sis and she assured me that most people don’t fall in love with their “type”, hell she didn’t.  That conversation was all that I needed.  I sent Kyle a text message that evening asking him to call me in the morning so we could touch base.

Touching base led to our second date on Tuesday evening.  I let go of all reservations and expectations in hopes of starting off with a clean slate.  It worked.  I really enjoyed his company and was open to setting a third date up.  Is he “my type”?  No, but maybe that’s how all love stories start off – by giving the unconventional man a second date.

Stay tuned…..

**textversation – a word created by my girlfriend in Hotlanta (Q. Scott)

Until next time friends!

– PenniePenz



One thought on “First Date a Bust, Second Date a MUST!

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