Single Girl Sh*t: Love & Marriage

“Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse & carriage.  This I tell you brother, you can’t have one without the other…” – Love and Marriage, Frank Sinatra

Did you suddenly get a mental image of the popular 90’s  television classic Married With Children?  Yeah, I did too, that song is synonymous with that show.  Anyway, back to the matter at hand.

Does anyone else ever feel like they got on the wrong bus?  Somewhere along the lines everyone around me figured out what they wanted out of life and got off at their respective destinations to get on the right bus – the bus that would lead them to their purpose.    Not me, I’m still on the bus and I have no idea where I’m going.

As I take in the scenic views around me I find myself in a consistent pensive state.   I am focused on several aspects of my life – my career (or lack thereof – what the HELL should I be doing for a living?), school (should I have chosen another major in college, perhaps one that would secure financial freedom?), travel (trips that I should’ve taken and trips that I plan to take), and lastly – love… and marriage.

With the influx of male attention that I’ve been receiving I’ve noticed that I’m not as enthused as I thought I would be.  I should be excited about the possibility of getting one step closer to marriage, but I don’t quite have that feeling.  I actually have the opposite feeling.  Don’t get me wrong – I enjoy the experience of getting to know someone new, enjoying nice meals and intellectual conversations, and/or going on new adventures with new friends, but there’s just something that these new encounters isn’t doing and I can’t put my finger on it.  Could it be fear?  I think that’s it.  The thought of spending my life with one man scares the shit out of me.

I find myself walking down memory lane (probably far more often than I should) having one-sided conversations with myself.  Do we just settle; do we all (men & women) just decide to marry our “safe” choice?  Is it odd that I am more excited about the wedding than the marriage?  Do we embark on a life with the one that has consistently shown us unconditional love even though the packaging isn’t ideal (kids, baby mama/daddy drama, minimal education, low paying job, overweight, shorter than our ideal preferences)?  Do we marry the guy with different religious beliefs because “it’s not that big of a deal”?  Do we marry the guy who delivers a lackluster performance in bed, but tries his best because he loves you wholeheartedly?

Marriage

What is it exactly?  I want to know what women feel when they decide to say “yes” while simultaneously crying as their boyfriend proposes to them.  How do you know without the shadow of a doubt that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person?  Is there a look that he gives you letting you know that everything will be alright?  Does the Almighty speak to you in your dreams?  Do you feel an awakening in a dormant part of your heart?  What is it?

Maybe I’m asking the wrong  questions.  Maybe I should just stay on this bus and see where the driver takes me next because that’s part of life right – enjoying all the twists and turns that come with it.  Maybe the answers for the questions that I seek are subjective and I will know when the time is right.  God I hope so, because the ambiguity is driving me insane.

For now I’ll work on enjoying the ride, taking notes, and thinking about being ready when my stop comes up.   The words of L Boogie come to mind as I ponder, “How you gonna win when you ain’t right within… Uh uh, come again…”  Word, gotta get right within first…

***

Until next time friends!

~Pennie Penz

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Single Girl Sh*t: Love & Marriage

  1. Yeah, I was there. But for me, I don’t think it was settling (because I’m with someone I would have probably looked over, had I met him earlier in life). It’s just truly assessing what I want. I matured when it came to my desire for relationship. My desire for a healthy relationship filled with respect, loyalty and most important, someone who loves me just as much as I love them… That desire outweighed the “shallow” things I used to want like: tall 5’10 or above, dark skinned, track body, ages 33-38, etc…. I held too tight to the physicality/image (in my 20’s) and less time on the character of a person. It was later (late 20’s) that the light bulb clicked. I could go on, but great post!!

    1. I agree with you q17scott as I’ve noticed this shift in my desires for my significant other as I’ve gotten older/matured. The superficial things (such as height, complexion, or age) were cast aside and replaced with things of substance (the way he treats me, his character, his zest for life, etc). Even though I now see potential mates with a more mature and realistic perspective, I can’t but wonder if we are ever really satisfied or just settling for the best of the worst?

      Thanks on the compliment (and support) ;). Glad to get the conversation going!

  2. This is exactly how I feel!!! I don’t think it’s fear. I just don’t think this marriage thang is for everyone and society makes us feel weird about it.

    Go to YouTube and look up Laci green. She covers getting married young and talks about the history of marriage …how it used to be a thing for men to enslave women Ans it was an agreement between two families. And she goes into it’s evolution.

    Don’t put pressure on yourself. It’s society that needs to realize expectations are deablitating.

    1. Jewels cupcakequeen! I will be sure to check out Laci Green’s pov and the history of marriage. I agree, marriage may not be for everyone, but in the same breath it’s hard to digest that because (as you mentioned) young girls are conditioned to believe that their lives won’t be complete until you are married and become a mother. This is the societal norm! Word, the pressure is always on the women (largely because of our respective biological clocks), and it’s rather annoying and frustrating.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s