Terms of Endearment


You’re at that point in your new relationship where your name is no longer your name – and neither is his.   Baby.  Babes. Luv/Love.  Sweetheart.  Sweetie. Muffin.  Boo.  These terms of endearment aka pet names usually sneak up on us and often without our consent.

You’re in the “Honeymoon Phase” – that blissful point in the relationship where everything is peachy keen (nope, that wasn’t a typo – all these years you’ve been saying the wrong thing.  It’s not “peachy king”).  You smile when you receive his “good morning” text messages and his mid-afternoon phone calls.  You float through your day on cloud nine and love each and every minute of it.

You couldn’t fathom this moment when you were going through your last breakup because love simply hurt too much.  The only clouds you saw were storm clouds and they seemed to follow you everywhere you went – unleashing heavy downpours of sorrow, pain, and hurt whenever they chose too.  The last thing you could imagine was calling another man “baby” or “love”, but ahhh –  here you are doing it.

putting, but after the persistence, consistency (a MAJOR factor), and patience of your new love interest you slowly but surely let down your guard and start trusting again.  Your thoughts of uncertainty morph into thoughts of certainty, happiness, and glee.  You find your self thinking “Could this be the guy to make me believe in life after love?” and another development takes place.  You notice that your name has been replaced by a sweet term of endearment.  How does that make you feel?

For me it went like this: “Luv Luv?  Ummm, who the hell gave this man permission to change my name to “Luv Luv?” This is what went through my mind the first time Thai used his first term of endearment for me via text message.

I was flattered, but unsettled.  Was it too soon?   We’d been dating for a little over a month and here he was throwing out pet names.  Deborah Cox’s “How did you get here? Nobody’s s’posed to be here…” song popped in my head.   I suddenly felt pressured – did he expect me to start calling him a “cutesy” name as well?  I responded to his text message and made no reference to “Luv Luv”, after all it was sweet and there was no need to shine a bright spotlight on it.

In the subsequent weeks, I began to shorten his name (as Thai’s real name is a two syllable name) because using a nickname as opposed to a term of endearments was more comfortable to me.  Eventually “baby” and “love” rolled off my tongue with ease (typically during sex because let’s face it – that’s when you’re at your most vulnerable and comfortable).   As of recent, I find that using terms of endearment outside of the bedroom is the norm.  It actually feels weird calling him “Thai”.  I didn’t see this happening, but then again we women never do.

Did you have a similar experience when you started dating your new beau?  Did you find yourself apprehensive when conjuring up a pet name for him/her or did you just allow it to flow organically?

Talk about it!


Until Next Time Friends!





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