Shout out to all the ladies in happy, exclusive, committed, and (most importantly) HEALTHY relationships! Congratulations…. bitch (LOL, I joke, I joke). Do a praise dance for Jesus! Go tell it on the mountain! Get down on your knees and thank (your) God (and while you’re down there, give your man some bomb ass head (you wanna keep him right?) ) – because you may have 99 problems, but finding a good man ain’t one!
Now for all my single sistas, let’s all hold hands and have a Kumbaya moment, shall we? Like you, I’ve been considering different types of ways to meet men – both conventionally (by happenstance; in passing at the supermarket, at the gym, a lounge, bar – hell at Home Depot (I have no shame) and not so conventionally (via a blind date or online dating).
As you know from my previous experience with popular online dating site, Match.com (https://unicorninbrooklyn.com/2014/03/25/mis-match-com/), I’m no stranger to online dating. In fact, I’m actually quite comfortable with it and if you’re not, you should be. Online dating has already been a norm in other communities, but it is slowly becoming “the new normal” in ours; It’s here to stay, so you might as well get used to it.
To my knowledge, the most popular online dating sites are Match.com (http://www.match.com/), eHarmony.com (http://www.eharmony.com/), BlackPeopleMeet.com (http://www.blackpeoplemeet.com/), and Plenty of Fish (POF) http://www.pof.com/ – the site that I recently decided to give a try.
So, what made me give POF a try? Optimism (my girlfriend was two months strong with a gentleman that she met on the site), loneliness (I’d just finished dog sitting my sister’s dog (Quila) for a little over a week (and not only adjusted to her company, but really enjoyed it) and was suffering from empty nest syndrome once she left), boredom (I like to shake things up from time to time), and it was free (what did I have to lose?).
The easy part was done (deciding that I wanted to join the site), now it was time for the not so easy part – creating a profile. What pictures should I use? How transparent should I be on the site? I didn’t want to sound desperate, yet I didn’t want to sound too laid back – I had to find a happy medium. Should I be funny, sultry, serious, coquettish, or a straight up bitch (because we all know that bitches stay winning in life)? I wasn’t sure, so I just went with what felt natural – I decided to be me; sarcastic, playful, direct, and cool .
Stylin’ & Profilin’
When it came time to create my profile I decided to have fun with it. It would be easy to show off my personality with my words. Here’s what I wrote – verbatim:
*Taps mic. Is this thing on? POF, the final frontier (ok not really, but it kind of feels like it, ha). Hello gentlemen, my name is “Pennie”:
* As you can see from my pictures I love to travel (I’d attached about 4 – 5 photos showing my face and body (while abroad) in a tasteful manner).
* Aside from that, I’m a curly girl (my hair has been its natural state for the last 5 years (I rock braids/twists sometimes though because sometimes I go on Romantic Calls with Patra and Yo-Yo).
* I’m from the borough of Queens (Fathers & backyards), currently living in the borough of Kings (spread love it’s the Brooklyn way) and am loving every minute of it.
* I appreciate a good healthy meal (I’m currently on a vegan challenge and just may change my lifestyle because I dig being as healthy as possible), but I indulge in not so healthy meals ones on occasion. Before you ask, yes I can cook (can you build a house?) and I do so well (southern and West Indian roots ensured that).
* I’m a creative being that lives for good music, art, good vibes, and dope energy.
* Brunch is always a good idea, but boozy brunch is an even better one.
* I appreciate individuals with a sense of humor; people that don’t take themselves too seriously and love to laugh (because that’s me – life’s too short to walk around with a stick up your ass, ya dig?).
* My world stops every Sunday at 9 pm because The Walking Dead is life (I love all things zombie).
* I’m on POF because my gf had some success with this site – I figured I’d give it a shot with hopes of having similar luck.
If you like what you’ve read, cool. Send me a message (“Hi”, “Hey sexy”, “Hi cutie” and similar unimaginative greetings will not yield a response from me (sorry). I like to CONVERSE, write something worth reading – I promise I’ll do the same.
Summary: No babies/baby “favas”, fun, creative, adventurous, sweet, intelligent, and open-minded.
Chat soon fishies…..
After posting that profile I dropped the mic then exited stage left. While several “fish” nibbled at the bait on my fishing pole, I didn’t just sit back, I did some nibbling myself. While looking at various profiles and pictures I soon realized this was not going to be easy – and that was ok because I didn’t expect instant gratification.
I caught the eye on men that were either too young or too old (I set my parameters for within 10 years of my age), extremely short (I’m not as hung up as I used to be on height, but at the same time I’m not really interested in dating someone several inches shorter than me), appeared to be too rough around the edges (dudes with fitted caps and grills), or just straight up not my type physically (and by physically I’m not talking about body types, I’m talking more face. While I wasn’t “fishing” for a model per se, I was looking for men that I found to be attractive – after all attraction is key when considering someone for a relationship).
Still, I remained optimistic because there was BOUND to be a “fish” out there for me. My positivism paid off – several “fish” caught my eye over the course of the next few days.
Fish #1: Mr. Straight-No-Chaser – His name says it all. This dude’s profile sold me immediately because it was direct, funny (as hell), and simple, but it also left a lasting impression – in short, his profile reminded me of mine. I looked at his pictures and found him to be handsome as well. I noticed that he’d looked at my profile, but didn’t “wink” (POF users can give the thumbs up if their interested in your if they don’t want to leave a message) so I read his profile and sent him a message to let him know that I found him to be funny and refreshing. Although a line or two was cut from the screen shots below you can still get the picture and see why I was drawn to Mr. Straight-No-Chaser’s profile:
I had a nice conversation with this dude one afternoon while running a few errands and enjoyed the exchange, but = the feeling may not have been mutual because I never heard from him again. Ahh well, onto the next.
Fish #2 – Mr. Holy Roller – We exchanged messages for about two days before this “fish” proposed that we take our conversation offline and to the phone. I agreed seeing as our exchange was a pleasant experience thus far. Before we spoke on the phone I learned that he of Nigerian decent so I somewhat expected to hear an accent – however, when I heard his voice in the words of Kevin Hart, ‘I WASN’T READY!!!!’. Imagine my surprise when I heard a high-pitch-I’m-still-going-through-puberty-and-I’m-not-sure-if-I-like-women-or-men-thick-Nigerian accent on the other line. Was I turned off? Immediately, but I ignored my initial urge to hang up the phone because I didn’t want to dismiss a good brother prematurely.
While his voice bothered me, I ignored it and continued on with the conversation. What ultimately turned me off was the line of religious questioning that this dude chose to ask me and in the WAY he asked me. “Are you Christian?” “What church do you go to?” “How often to you attend church” – it was too much – especially since all three of those questions came back to back. His voice became stern all of a sudden and I felt way too uncomfortable so I made up an excuse to get off the phone and had absolutely no intentions of calling him back or answering any of his phone calls. That weirdo made me feel like I was going to hell so I left the “church of condemnation” (where he was delivering his sermon from the pulpit) and went on over to another fish.
Fish #3 – Mr. Familiar Face. I received a respectful message from this “gentleman” (and I use that term loosely) inquiring about my experience with POF thus far. He seemed polite, had a sense of humor, and interesting so I replied to his message. After two exchanges I decided to review his profile pictures. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I’d seen his face before – not in person, but in pictures.
After exchanging a few more messages I looked at his pictures again and then it hit me. My Facebook (FB) friend (an acquaintance that I’d met several years ago) shared photos of the two of them together – AT THEIR WEDDING. What are the odds?
Once I realized how I knew him I told him and immediately wanted to speak. I called him and told him about how acquainted I was with his ex-wife (we’re actually pretty cool) and how uncomfortable I felt continuing our dialogue – especially since I knew that he broke my FB friend’s heart. Would you believe this FOOL proceeded to tell me that “everyone isn’t for everyone” and that I should give him a chance. That wasn’t what made him a jerk to me, what made him a jerk was that I knew why things didn’t work out between him and his ex-wife. He cheated on her before they got married and throughout their short marriage. Needless to say, that was our last conversation – and my last conversation with anyone on POF.
I could’ve given the site a few more days of my time, but I decided to take a break. After interacting with the three “fish” above, I interacted (messaged) other men from the site, but ran into mostly men looking for a good time and weren’t interested in courting someone like me. I found that most men on the site put no real effort into engaging me in a conversation of substance and I wasn’t interested in that.
Compared to Match.com, POF is a sad runner up. While the men on Match appear to be more serious about dating, the men on POF seemed to be mostly interested in hook ups that won’t last longer than a night or two. I believe the men on Match are of more substance (and more serious) because they pay for their memberships, whereas the memberships on POF are free (however, upgraded memberships can be purchased for a fee). I guess the age old adage is true “you get what you pay for”.
While I wouldn’t recommend this site to someone looking for something serious, I wouldn’t necessarily tell you to stay away because you may have a different experience than I did. What I will say is this, while there are plenty of fish in the sea, be careful when fishing ladies’- the water’s polluted!
Until Next Time Friends!
~ Pennie Penz