F**k boys (F Boys). I heard this crass term for the first time a few months ago while listening to one of my many beloved “rachet” tunes (I love rachet music because it speaks to my inner stripper), Finals by Rick Ross ft. Meek Millz and Gunplay. Towards the end of the song Ross says “F**k boy, f**k boy. F**k boy, still a f**k boy”…. Hmmm, I was intrigued. He said it with such vehement passion and I wanted to know why. Who was this F boy and what did he ever do to deserve such a lewd moniker? Furthermore (and most important), WTF does “F boy” even mean?
I started my research on http://www.urbandictionary.com/, the site where individuals go when they want to know the meaning of popular slang terminology. According to the site, a F Boy is a “weak a** pu**y that ain’t bout’ sh*t.” Well damn. There it was. So that’s what an F boy was. “F**k boy, “f**k boy, f*… wait, do I know any F boys? More importantly, have I dated any F boys?” – I asked myself aloud. I knew this term was here to stay became it would soon prove to be very useful to me.
It was so fitting. So perfect. So accurate…. I’ve since decided to add this term to my vernacular because it describes so many men nowadays, doesn’t it? My friends have dated F boys, I’ve dated F boys, you’ve dated F boys – we’ve ALL dated F boys, but probably didn’t call them that. We called them every name in the book both to their face and behind their backs out of sheer frustration. Now I was pissed, I wanted to know why this term wasn’t around years ago so I could use it on these fools – “Where were you f boy? Where were you when I needed you?”
The problem that a lot of women have (myself included (when I was young… and dumb, I’ve since grown up) is that f boys are sessy. They have that elusive “swag” that we want our men to have. We often ignore their F boy ways because we are hypnotized by their full manly beards. We’re DICKmatized by that grade A pipe game. We’re drawn to their charisma and confidence. We’re googley-eyed by how deep their dimples are. We’re soothed by their authorative voices. We’re wooed by their fancy schmancy cars and style. Simply put, we’re sprung.
Point Em’ Out, Point Em’ Out
Now that you know what a f boy is I’m quite sure you don’t want to willingly date one… right? Perhaps you’re out here in the dating scene (like I am, on a wing and a prayer) or have managed to snag one up, but fear that this new man dude may be one. How do you know if your new love interest is a F boy?
I’ve complied a list of common f boy activities; 5 ways to help you figure out if the guy you (or your girlfriend(s)) have been been spending your time with is in fact a F boy.
(1) Sudden Change in Availability – Things were going so well. He used to send you a barrage of sweet text messages throughout the day (“good morning beautiful”, “how’s your day going”, “sweet dreams gorgeous”), wine & dine you, and talk to you for hours on end in person and on the phone. Then you decided to take him up on his offer – you “Netflixed and Chilled” (yes I made this a verb). Things changed… and fast. All of a sudden you’re chasing behind the same dude that started out as such an endearing and sweet gentleman. Have you noticed that all of a sudden his availability has changed? Is he suddenly incredibly busy with no viable excuses? Chances are the real him is starting to show and he’s a F boy. Distance yourself to save yourself headache and heartache in the long run.
(2) Blatant Lying – “What? You have to cancel our dinner plans (yet again) tonight because you’re helping a friend move? I thought you just helped your friend move last week?” Maybe somehow his battery was always dead (how convenient) every time you told him that you attempted to call him. Ok, so maybe it isn’t moving or his battery, but I’m sure I’m not too far off. Have you heard your fair share of obvious lies (disguised as tiyad excuses) to get out of obligations that this fuck boy had with you? When the excuses become unimaginative and the lies become more and more frequent – RUN. This F boy doesn’t care about you. He’s already plotting on the next “good time”. Thank him for showing his ways and move onto a dude that’s about something.
(3) Selfie King – Do I really need to elaborate on this one? Have you noticed that this clown that you’re dating has a narcissitic obsession with getting “likes” on Instagram (IG) by posting selfie after selfie? He clearly lives for the validation from other people and is self-absorbed, no thank you. Furthermore, who wants to date a dude like this anyway. Unfollow his ass on IG and in real life.
(4) Half-Ass Date Invitations – It was all good…. “about a week ago” (Schmurda nod). You went from well-thought out dates (dinners at non-chain restaurants, movies, concerts, etc.) to “why-don’t-you-just-come-over-here-tonight so-we-can-chill-tonight” invitations. Effort turned to laziness and fast. Why waste your time with a guy that has a seriously skewed perceptions of what courtship is? If he constantly invites you to his place or asks to come to your place instead of taking you out on actual dates he’s showing you who he is, a F boy. Dodge that bullet.
(5) Missing In Action (M.I.A) – As if the blatant lying wasn’t bad enough, you can no longer seem to get a hold of him because he’s going M.I.A for hours and sometimes days. Are you having a hard time tracking him down? Did you all of a sudden go from having conversations to textversations? We both know why, because he’s giving someone (or several “someones”) his time. He’s greedy and wants more than you can give him. Let him stay M.I.A because no F boy is worth chasing.
If you’re single and looking be wary of F boys. They’re sneaky, diabolical, and masters of disguise. However, if you think that you are currently in a relationship with an F boy, cut your losses and keep it pushing, this ain’t going nowhere shawty. Approach him like a bawse and call him out on his F boy ways. In the illustrious words of Ms. Sophia (from the Color Purple) “Don’t do it Miss Celie, don’t do it. You don’t wanna be where I been….”