What happened to the days of people minding their (f**king) business? When did it officially become OK for people that barely know you (colleagues – old and new, neighbors, friends of the family, distant cousins, cousins by marriage, etc.) to start reminding you about your biological clock and/or checking for your dating pool? I thought these intrusive questions were relegated to elders and parents – no? Okay.
Whether the aforementioned people come from a loving place (or not), I don’t think they grasp the magnitude of just how painfully annoying and hurtful these questions are. Every intrusion is a reminder of what we don’t have, but may want. Every intrusion is an audibly loud tick tock on a woman’s biological clock. Every intrusion is just that – an intrusion.
What prompted me to write this post? – a recent visit to a relative’s home. During said visit, I was blind-sighted with a barrage of questions asked by a male cousin. “When are you going to get married and have kids?” “You want kids right?”, “You better hurry up, you won’t be young forever.”- and the like.
I simply smiled because I didn’t have the energy to muster up a different response. Now that I think of it, depending on the day of the week (and/or the mood that I’m in when asked about my womb and marriage plans) I’ll usually respond in one of four ways):
(1) The Temper Tantrum – How do children react when they don’t want to do something or hear something they don’t like? They scream bloody hell and act as if you’ve just asked or told them the most vile thing on earth. I’ve erupted in a so-called “tantrum” a few times – with people that barely know me and with close friends.
(2) Homer Simpson – I laugh as I type this because this is my go to; I’m Queen of changing the subject, deflecting, or pulling off a disappearing act when the intrusive questioning becomes too much for me to handle. I’ve gone so far as to avoid family gatherings because I simply don’t want to be bothered with the whole “fade-into-the-background” move. This response is usually reserved for those that I hold in the highest regard: my elders (older relatives, family friends, older familial-like colleagues, and neighbors).
(3) Cool, Calm, & Collected: This is the most civilized and logical adult response – usually reserved for my parents, close relatives, and close friends. This group lovingly inquires about my plans because they know my heart’s desire (to get married and start a family). They inquire because they want to know if I’ve made any forward strides with dating. For this group I respond calmly, letting them know that I you have but so much control over the situation and that it’s a stressful situation most of the time.
(4) Straight No Chaser: This response is relegated to the nosy mofos that barely know you; nosy neighbors (that clock your every move – including how many gentleman callers you receive on a monthly basis), colleagues that barely know you, or straight up strangers (perhaps people you meet at a mixer or in another social setting) that feel so inclined to ask you about your future plans. I have very little patience for this group because I don’t owe this group an explanation of any sort. My rule of thumb of this group is this – if you ask me something you have no business asking, expect a response that will be crass and/or direct.
My day is coming, but until it does I’ll react accordingly to the usual suspects – the ones that are intrigued with the goings on of my love life and motherhood plans.
Which one are you? How do you react to the nosy masses when they audaciously inquire about your personal business?